The couples get on the topic of love which comes up a lot in conversation wherever a person is. They are more or less trying to define love, which truthfully is a task that is almost impossible to come up with that applies to the entire human population. As we see in the story, Terri got dragged down and basically beaten to "love," if you will.. This to me would not be the love that I would want to experience but she had a point. Being a psychology major myself, I understand that some people have mental problems where they can't express their emotion in a healthy way. Take for example Ed. I would guess that he was abused in some form as a child OR his mother was abused by his father. Somewhere in his lifetime he learned that beating the person you love is the way to express that you love them, which a healthy person would understand that this is not the way to show love. So to Ed, love is beating the person and expressing that to them. Terri even had a distorted view of love because she stuck by him in the worst of times and felt that even after everything was said and done he truly did love her, but in reality he was mentally disturbed in some ways and one might say that Ed was more infatuated with Terri then deeply in love with her.
Mel obviously disagreed with Terri in his definition of love. He refused to believe that what Ed had for Terri was love and if it was then he wanted nothing of it. This reaction from Mel is normal though because he was now Terri's man, he was the one taking care of her and protecting her so to hear that some other man beat her and dragged her around the house to show how much he "loved" her angered Mel. But also they were all drinking so Mel may have been able to understand things a little better if he wasn't drunk. But what Mel needs to understand is that Ed did love Terri, maybe not to the depths that Mel loved Terri, but Ed obviously had some issues that he had not dealt with so he couldn't love Terri to the full potential.
We see this a lot in our society with all the abuse cases that come into the social workers offices. Battered wives, abused children, neglected children; all resulting from people not knowing how to love someone and show their love in a healthy way. This all has the potential to lead to things such as dysfunctional relationships in the future, repeating of history where the child can't love in a healthy way when they grow up, and even children as a result of not feeling love in a healthy way can get involved in things that are not healthy. Things such as pre-marital sex, drugs, alcohol and more. Our society would gain a lot if they just stepped back and took a look at what love really is. I understand that the way love is portrayed and lived out is very different family to family but we need to have a healthy view of love all the way around. Love is not something that is always blissful, it takes time and work to love a person 24/7 but we need to learn how to love our friends and family in healthy ways. And honestly, the best way to learn this would be to look at the example Jesus was to us...
I too thought that Ed's behavior might have to do with some of his own life experiences which then caused him to act the in the way he did. I really enjoyed reading your blog post because I was able to see a different perspective of the story. Where you wrote, "One might say that Ed was more infatuated with Terri then deeply in love with her," got me thinking even more on whether or not what Ed felt for Terri was actual love.
ReplyDeleteI love how I can tell you are a psychology major just by reading this!
ReplyDeleteBut you did make a good point. Some people are not mentally stable...do does that make them incapable of loving someone? Personally, I do not believe that Ed truly loved Terri. It makes much more sense that he was mistaking infatuation with love.
I do agree that he probably had a screwed up childhood, and I really admire you for taking the stand that he "loved" her, when most people aren't, but I don't agree.
ReplyDeleteBecause you have to define love; this short story got me thinking about the way a word or idea can mean so many things to so many people, which I think is the heart of What We Talk About. Who gets to decide what a word means? Webster? Words change and evolve and become something else. (A "girl" two hundred years ago was simple a "young child".) Why is profanity profane? It's just a word.
So while grappling with the meaning of "love" I remembered that while most of our words are scattered to the wind and we're all just trying to grab at straws, defining our world the best we can, we do have one ultimate truth, and that says that love is patient, kind, does not envy, and isn't proud. That's clearly not the case between Ed and Laura.
In a human understanding of love, I can see that maybe Ed *felt* that, but couldn't express it, but that's a flawed view of the act of love, as an emotion and a commitment.
I think it might be more accurate to say that Ed was co-dependent, and that Laura was the object of his co-dependance.
... haha, didn't meant to write you a whole novel, girl. Love you!
"This reaction from Mel is normal though because he was now Terri's man, he was the one taking care of her and protecting her so to hear that some other man beat her and dragged her around the house to show how much he "loved" her angered Mel."
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this part of your post. Not only does it convey an accurate depiction of their relationship, but it also brought up the portrayal of "male dominance" in a relationship. I agree that a male should protect and defend his wife, but I also would like to think that Terri herself is keeping Mel together too. Protecting him in anyway that she can like when he wanted to call his kids, but she told him not to. Terri's love shows protection as well. And from her past husband, I believe she will try and protect Mel from becoming angry and hurt like Ed was.
I enjoyed your perspective, and I think that we can look even farther into the character's past to better understand their actions in the scene.